First Lady debate: Speaking for myself (1)

I was told at the meeting that someone had made comments on Facebook during the fuel subsidy crisis, asking, 'Where are the Nigerian feminists? Where are the voices of activists like Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi'? The Facebook comments implied that I had stopped being a feminist because I am now the Wife of a Governor. Soon after I returned home, there was an article in the Sunday edition of one of the national newspapers that was serialised over a two week period. It was a blistering attack on First Ladies, and how they constitute a drain on resources while they conduct themselves in ways which raise questions about credibility and probity. In the article, the writer also made reference to the fuel subsidy crisis and the fact that nothing was heard from any of the First Ladies in the country.

The writer then went on to say, 'anyway, such issues are probably beyond them'.  A third, and this time, more direct attack on my activities in Ekiti came from Steve Osuji, a columnist with The Nation newspaper unequivocally that my job as the wife of Ekiti Governor, was to look 'after the home-front' rather than meddle in the affairs of state. I cringed reading through these articles.

Shortly after my husband became Governor of Ekiti State in October 2010, I spoke to Mrs Kemi Mimiko, wife of the Governor of Ondo State. She said something to me which I have never forgotten. She said 'My sister, whatever happens, never take anything personally. It is never about you, it is about the position you are in'. Reflecting on the discussion with my colleagues in Accra about the Facebook comments and the articles I referred to above, I knew that the advice I had received would come in handy. I however confess, with all sincerity, it is hard.

I have often spoken and written about the fluidity of identities, and how important it is for us to invest in managing our various transitions from one identity to another, whether these identities are claimed by us or thrust upon us. From being a women's rights activist, gender specialist and social change philanthropy advocate, on October 16, 2010, I became the wife of a governor. My own understanding of what happened to me did not translate into abandoning all the things that are important to me - my world view, values, affiliations and principles. I was aware that to make this work, I would need to strike a balance between the things I truly care about, and the expectations of the position I found myself in. I also knew that I would have to work hard at ensuring that my theoretical understanding of power and transformational leadership would be matched by sound, ethical practices.

For many years I have engaged in debates about the role of First Ladies and the pros and cons of the use of informal power structures. The historical use and abuse of non-accountable, unconstitutional power has fuelled suspicion and hostility towards First Ladies, and rightfully so. As a feminist activist, I have been very critical of the ways in which women married to men in power hijack the spaces, voices and resources of others, particularly civil society, and use this as a platform to dispense political favours and elevate other elite women. The abuse of the Office of the First Lady and the questions about its legitimacy are not a solely Nigerian phenomenon. These debates continue to take place elsewhere. The problem we have in Nigeria is the unique ways in which this position has been so grossly abused that people find it hard to be objective or flexible in their assessments of either the position or the occupants. I have also always known that it is precisely because First Ladies wield so much power and influence that it is very dangerous for such power to fall into the hands of ignorant, uninformed and unethical persons. I have had the opportunity of working closely with such great role models as Graca Machel Mandela, who taught me that it does not matter if people are suspicious of you or your intentions just because of who you are married to - if there are things you feel strongly about go out there and get the job done. Till this moment, Mama Graca as some of us fondly call her, remains one of the most credible and consistent advocates of gender equality, children's rights and good governance that we have on the continent.

I accept that because I am the Wife of a Governor, I can no longer go to Aleshinloye market in Ibadan (a favourite place of mine) or Balogun market in Lagos without causing a stir. I agree that it is not appropriate to stop the convoy just because I want to buy Gala. I however do not agree with the assumption that because I am the Wife of a Governor, my IQ has dropped to single digits. I do not agree that I cannot find a way of working with government officials without making them feel that I am bossing them around. I do not agree that working collaboratively and respectfully with people in government amounts to meddling. I do not agree that I cannot do things different from the norm. I find it hard to understand why people will believe that because my husband is Governor of a State, my only role now is to make his bed, wash his clothes, take care of the children, cook his food and rub his feet when he comes home. This is what is called 'looking after the home front', and it seems to be the preferred and only role for First Ladies. This is fine by me, as long as we can also accept the fact that 'looking after' and 'home front' means different things to different people.

Since October 2010, I have been spending my time 'looking after the home front' in my own way. I resigned from my full-time, extremely well remunerated position as Executive Director of AWDF in Ghana and moved back to Nigeria to be with my husband. I figured out how to run our own homes in Ibadan and Isan-Ekiti, as well as living in State House. My husband is adequately fed, healthy, well groomed, and on top of his game. I am involved with government agencies such as the Ekiti State Agency for AIDS Control which I Chair, as well as the Ekiti State Consultative Committee on Arts, Culture and Tourism. I also do a lot of work with the Ministry of Women Affairs, Social Development and Gender Empowerment, the  Ministry of Youth and Sports and the Ministry of Health to mention a few. My involvement with these agencies is mainly advisory and based on tremendous mutual respect. In addition, I have commitments to national and international organisations such as the Nigerian Women's Trust Fund (as Chair), the African Women's Development Fund and the African Grantmakers Network.

Over the past 16 months, I have worked with various stakeholders to ensure that we have more women in decision making at all levels in the state. Before the April 2011 elections we had no women in the Ekiti State House of Assembly. Now we have four. Again, in June 2011, Ekiti State became the first state in Nigeria to domesticate the National Gender Policy. After being faced with a wave of violent attacks on young girls and women in the state, I pushed for the Gender Based Violence Prohibition Bill which was signed into law on November 25, 2011. I advocated for the establishment of the Multiple Births Trust Fund which is managed by the Ministry of Women's Affairs. In order to bring back to Ekiti what I have done in the field of social change philanthropy, I launched the Ekiti Development Foundation (EDF) on June 10, 2011. Since then we have supported a range of women's organisations across the state, reaching out to hundreds of women in remote places. We have also supported several government projects with funding we have raised from donors. The funding for EDF comes from collaborations with various institutions, corporate sponsorship, wealthy philanthropists and support in kind.

• To be continued
 By  Erelu Bisi Fayemi,wife of the Ekiti State Governor.

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